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Four years ago today I sat in a hospital bed holding my newborn baby.

As I gazed at that wrinkled up little face and breathed in that newborn smell, I had no idea how much my life was going to change.

I don’t mean change as in no more spontaneous evening plans, much less sleep and smelling like spit up for days on end.  Those were changes, but I figure those kind of came with the territory, you know?

The change I mean is life altering change, things-ain’t-ever-going-back-to-the-way-they-were kind of change.

As I learned to take care of this tiny being and meet his needs, I learned about my needs.  As I learned to support and encourage this little human through babyhood into toddlerdom and beyond, I learned how to support and encourage my own spirit.

Four years ago today I was a very different person.  I never would have imagined that my child would show me just how much more life had to offer if I was willing to look beyond  and go beyond the life I had built up to that point.

Today, I am happier and healthier than I have ever been.  I have a wonderful, happy child and a strong, loving husband.  I have a world of possibilities before me that I would never have imagined possible.

Four years ago today my life changed for the better.  I won’t ever feel guilty about that.

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Today is bittersweet.

This is Little Dude’s last day at the childcare/preschool he has attended ever since he was eighteen months old.

Of course, I have my reasons for switching schools.  Little Dude will be starting a pre-kindergarten class at a “big boy school” where he will thrive, I know.  And he will move from the pre-k class right into the kindergarten and elementary education program at this school.

But today — today is a goodbye.

A goodbye to the only school setting we have known, a goodbye to the teachers who have provided such wonderful and dependable childcare ever since Little Dude was a toddler.

Today is bittersweet because I know we’re making a good decision and moving to a wonderful school, but we’re leaving our comfort zone behind.


We have been preparing Little Dude for this transition for a while.  He has picked out a Buzz Lightyear backpack and a Buzz Lightyear lunch box, and we’ve been driving past the new school everyday for the past week.  He is incredibly excited for this new adventure to begin on Monday.

Me, on the other hand, I have enough anxiety for everyone.  I’m worried about Little Dude making this transition ok (even though I know he’ll be fine), I’m worried about making new friends (for both of us!), I’m worried about making sure we stay in touch with all the families we have grown so close to at this school we are leaving.

I’m excited but nervous, very happy with the choices we’ve made but apprehensive about how everything will fall into place.

A bittersweet day.

Guilt Goddess says: Trust your instincts and go with your gut.  You know this is a very good decision and a week or two from now, you’ll wonder why you ever had these worries in the first place.

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The Guilt Goddess

Giving guilt a voice one post at a time.

I am your average guilt-ridden mother of one (or 2, if I'm being honest and including my husband), trying to balance running my own business, running my household and now writing a blog. Someday I hope to have vanquished all of my myriad pangs of guilt and be living blissfully free from moment-to-moment. But, until that time, my guilt will live here.

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